


you’re tied together with a smile (but you’re coming undone)

by AnneOledatter



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluffy, M/M, broken!Bucky, in love!Steve, tied together with a smile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:20:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1539191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneOledatter/pseuds/AnneOledatter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hold on, baby, you’re losing it, the water’s high and you’re jumping into it and letting go and no one knows. You cry, but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one." — Taylor Swift</p>
            </blockquote>





	you’re tied together with a smile (but you’re coming undone)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really sorry for choose taylor swift's song but well, i like this song. also i'm sorry for any grammar error, english isn't my language mother.  
> hope you enjoy!

Tough days, long days, cold days. And he hated the cold. James wasn’t a person fond of the winter, no; who liked low temperatures was his old self; the Winter Soldier. But he got rid of this ghost long months ago when SHIELD and Hydra fell. No more brainwashing, no more ice, no more orders. James finally knew who he was — or he supposed to be. The museum helped him a lot, and the tireless nights without any sleep forcing his mind to remember something and he did. He remembered his brief years in the Army and the man who used to be his mission. Steven Grant Rogers, his entire life best friend. But even remembering this things James was still living on the streets. Actually, he lived in an alley, because something in the back of his mind told him alleys were important. He knew he was probably insane.

People on streets kept talking about SHIELD’s big fail and Hydra’s surprise attack. And how the amazing Captain America survived when that horrible criminal with metal arm tried to kill him. James always felt sick when he heard this horrible things about what he almost did to the man that used to be his best of friends. James also hated his metal arm, it was the confirmation that was a monster created to kill. And that’s why he starved himself; monsters didn’t deserve to eat. That’s why he wouldn’t find a comfortable place to stay; because monsters like him didn’t need nor deserve a home. James wish he could die.

It was probably the sixth or seventh month living on the streets. Rumors would always come and go everyday. Some people said that SHIELD wasn’t over, others said it was; James didn’t knew in what to believe. In one hand he wanted it to be over so Hydra would be over too, but in the other hand he wanted SHIELD to not be over so he could be killed or arrested any time. Or it meant — if SHIELD wasn’t over that he could see Steven once again and ask, beg for apologies. But who would forgive a monster? A coward? No one, and James knew the answer.

But what James didn’t knew was that Steve wouldn’t stop search for him. Since he healed and was back to work, he started to search for Bucky. In every suburb, every street he knew, every old building. Because he knew Bucky and it — knowing Bucky, was supposed to make things easier. But it didn’t and it was killing the Captain from inside, because was almost Christmas and Bucky… Oh, Bucky was still lost.

Captain Rogers knew that at this point the chances of finding James Barnes were really small, if not nonexistent; and that was why he was living in auto mode. Smile when needed, ate when starved, slept when he could. Steve wasn’t physically tired — thanking the super-serum; but he was emotionally and mentally tired. He just wanted to find Bucky, to take care of his old friend, to help him and spend the Christmas with him, because no one deserved to be alone on such an important day. And Bucky was a very important person and he didn’t deserve to be alone at all. 

"Think about things you both did at the 30s/40s… You got it." Natasha said one day when the Avengers were reunited. Steve merely nodded, he was too busy looking outside the window thinking about where Bucky got himself into to pay attention on her. "Did you heard me, Rogers? Think about it. I don’t know what you guys did at the 30s, but movie theaters? Dance? Just think." And only again Steve merely nodded. Natasha snorted and got up from the couch she was sharing with Barton. Steven Grant Rogers was a stubborn person to deal with.

x

Some time later Steve finally decided to think about Natasha’s words and something clicked inside his mind. Movie theaters were connected to Brooklyn and to Steve being beaten up behind alleys. Old districts! The only place he didn’t go because he thought that Bucky couldn’t remember anything, but if he was there then that meant he remembered. Because it was logical: he would connect old districts with Brooklyn if he remembered something — Steve was praying for this theory to be right.

He really didn’t care it was late night, Steve needed to find Bucky and it needed to be now not later, because later could be… Too late for both of them. He decided to not go by motorcycle but by car; something he hardly ever did. But it was for Bucky. The streets were empty and he was happy for it. Find Washington DC old districts were a it hard but Captain did, it was for Bucky.

Inside the car he couldn’t properly see the alleys so he parked, not caring if it would be stolen and started to walk doing what he was used to: searching for Bucky. It was a 30 minutes walk, looking around and asking if they saw a man with James’ features. No one did, but Steve Rogers didn’t give up. He was about to turn the left that would lead him to another part of the old district when he saw something shining in the dark. It just could be Bucky’s metal arm. For the first time that night Steve ran and for the first time in 70 years Steve breathless, but it was for Bucky. 

When Steve reached that alley he saw lots of old newspaper and he knew he was right. He stepped closer with baby steps, but even in the dark he recognized his best friend. That was Bucky and it was all for him. “Bucky?” The dark haired man turned his head to lookto the voice that called him and Steve’s jaw fell open: he was too thin, looking too exausted and too miserable. Steve was asking himself what he did wrong. 

James looked to him and saw a too tall man looking back to James himself. He was blond, that James could see and had bright eyes. He knew who this man was because he was always in his dreams laughing and calling him oh so fondly he wish he could dream with him forever. Once again —  now in real life, he called James. “Bucky?” And even knowing he was forgetting some things this past weeks, James could never forget that face.

"Steve?" The name came out of his lips like a prayer, like a vow. James didn’t think before saying it, he just did because it was right. Because he could never forget him. And Steve looked a bit suprised, a bit happy and James didn’t know why. Or he did, he just couldn’t see it.

"You…" Steve, the face no one could ever erase from his mind, started to  say. "remember me?"

"I’m sorry but," James looked up and straight to him. "I could never forget your name. Nor your face." And Steve… Steve smiled and Bucky felt sad, because he was just seeing Steve smiling after becoming a monster. Monsters didn’t smile.

"Can you walk?" The good man asked and James knew the answer: he couldn’t. Too weak. He shook his head. "C’mon buddy, I’ll help you." And he let Steve get him up from the cold and stiff floor, because it was Steve. The man no one were able to erase from his memories.

It was ridiculous to see a man carrying the other in bridal style in the middle of the street, but Steve wouldn’t let James try to walk and James knew it. So he let being rediculously carried around there in bridal style because it was Steve, nothing mattered at all because Steve was the only sane thing James had on his mind. 

And think he was able to save the man next to him made James feel a bit more human. Think that he didn’t let him drown made James feel something special like he had done it before. And Steve was driving slow and couldn’t stop look at James, but he wouldn’t say he was realizing it. He was leaving him be, because it was all for Steve. It always was.

x

Steve’s apartment was a small and comfy place and Bucky felt at home, and Steve felt at home like a long time he hadn’t. “I’ll feed you, but first go take a hot shower — take as long as you want to, because you were on a cold place. Go warm yourself.” Steve, the good man with good heart, showed him where the bathroom was. James too his long and too hot bath, and got out of it smelling like Steve. Something inside his chest warmed too, maybe it was his long dead heart coming alive once again.

"I made you some hot chocolate, pancakes, waffles, egg, bacon… Just eat everything." James gave him a slight smile. The warm inside his chest rose.

While he ate Steve watched him and he was oh so glad his best friend was back. He shed a tear or two while preparing Bucky’s food but it were tears of happiness. Bucky was back and Steve feslt like nothing in the wolrd could stop him. “Thank you.” Simple words that made the Captain’s chest almost explode.

"You don’t have to, you know." Steve waved nervously his hands. "This is nothing Bucky. No need to thank me." Bucky merely nodded and gave Steve a crooked smile and Rogers could swear that his heart stopped at that very moment.

"No, I do." Steve watched Bucky tooking deep breath. "Thank you for being the only sane thing inside my insane mind. You kept me alive and now you’re giving me hope when I was about to give up." And the most important thing was about to come but Steve was already crying, sobbing. "Thank you for not letting anyone erase you from my mind." At this point Rogers gave an ugly and loud sob. "Actually I don’t think anyone could."

He just couldn’t restrain himself anymore. Steve got up and hugged Bucky so tightly, so firm and he knew he could never let him go again. He couldn’t think about lose Bucky once again. “Oh Bucky.” It was all he could say between sobs. “You have no idea how I missed you.”

Bucky gave a low laugh, but he was crying too. “You shouldn’t have missed me.” He buried his face on Steve’s neck. “Because I’ll be with you ‘til the end of the line.”

And how Steve loved him. He just hoped someday Bucky could love him back the same way he loved him. What he didn’t knew that was love that kept Bucky sane. His love for Steve.

“‘Til the end of the line, Buck.”


End file.
